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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in dial_m_4_murder's LiveJournal:

Monday, March 6th, 2006
6:07 pm
Monday, November 28th, 2005
6:15 pm
Secret Santa gifts go here-?
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
6:22 pm
OOC anon meme
Okay, well! I sometimes worry that I'm not getting across some of the things Mello's thinking or feeling, because, in an attempt at Death Note genre style, Mello hides 90% of what he, well, thinks and feels, and pretends at something else instead. Sometimes I wonder if I'm failing with that, so -- Does it come through? How's my driving with Mello?

Anonymous or logged in, whatever you're comfortable with, go for it.
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
5:57 pm
Monthly relationships updates!

behind hereCollapse )
Friday, October 14th, 2005
11:56 pm
11:56 pm
Right, so. I've decided that what I REALLY NEED is a complete guide to all the Death Note interactions in camp so far. CLEARLY, when overloaded with schoolwork, this is what I need to be doing in my spare time! Because I'm dumb!

It'll probalby take me a LONG time to work through the backlog. In the meantime, all of may is complete. Check back on this post for updates. :D

May 2005Collapse )
Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
10:18 pm
Sex, lies, and rock and roll?
Awwright. |D It occurred to me I could take my next couplea hous and play video games OR... explain where I'm getting the Mello/Near thing from for fun and profit and HEY FEEL FREE TO COMMENT IF YA AGREE OR DISAGREE. XD XD

See, when I first apped? I didn't much like the thought of slash in GENERAL in DN. It just seemed so... intellectual and sterile, if that makes sense (And I think it does!) And I wasn't the only one; literal quote from conversation with Near's player here (I'm Haru, she's Harle):

Haru:The best part, somehow, is how we converted ourselves. XD
Harle: I KNOW. XD We came into this going "...no. Just... no." And ended up going 'omg yes'. What happened, yo? XDD I mean, I even was extra-glad you were apping Mello 'cause I knew you weren't into Mello/Near and I wouldn't have to deal with a Mello who wanted to OTP our characters... XDDD Maaan. How things can change.
Haru: I know! I was thinking just -- no, really. No. That there's rivalry. It's fear and disgust. It's not -- only then RPing them and we were, in fact, *RPING* that and it's not like we even changed their behaviour at first -- no, we changed our PERCEPTIONS without ever MEANING to. A bit at time. Until retarded flirting happened. XD XD
Harle: Indeed. XD And oh, the retarded flirting. XD Replied. <3

And where did we change these perceptions from? Well ... see, we apped them pre!timeskip, when they were both, honestly, really young, but all our canon influences are later (We see them pretimeskip for a chapter and a half, while we've seen them post timeskip for nearly 25 chapters, and there's a four year difference there). So we've been, as I've mentioned elsewhere, trying to 'work them towards' the behaviour we see in the canon.

And, well, new chapters come out every week -- that means from the time I joined (mid-June), there's been about sixteen new chapters. And, heh, that gives a lot of time for motivations and so on to continue coming out. We were mostly on track with them (I was pleased, for example, that we were both right that they adore L as an ideal -- Near says as much in chapter 82!), so I think we've had a good grasp on characterization from the beginning (feel free to agree, anon or not, heh), but more is being... obvious. And that includes in Near and Mello's relationships to each other.

READ FOR EXPLANATION WITH PICHURS. Spoilers for chapters 59-82 of Death NoteCollapse )

ETA on Chapter 83Collapse )
6:13 pm
IC anon meme
Didn't really get many responses last time. Got anything to say to me, but don't want to let me know you're the one saying it? Say it here.
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
2:16 am
Thursday, September 29th, 2005
2:30 pm
Mello's personal feelings on campers as of Sept 29, 2005, whut.

Crazy People Making Friends?Collapse )
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
3:49 pm
You know the old rules of the anon thing, right? I was reminded by Mr. Wolfwood's anonymous confessions post. Tell me something, ask me something, say something you've had on your mind, just do it anonymously. IP logging is turned off. Have a ball.

(OOC: Ahh, the old IC anon meme. ♥ Although all posts in Mello's main journal are OOC unless marked otherwise, I fully intend this one to be IC -- it's just that if it starts a bandwagon, I figured that by doing it over here and just linking from an entry completely on a different topic would at least not clutter up the main journal with a lot of posts of it. XD Have fun?)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
2:43 pm

LJ Interests meme results

  1. angsty beat poetry:
    Like Howl. Particularly Howl. Occasionly some Kerouac
  2. beheading the director:
    With an axe! ♥
  3. blood is sexy ok!:
    ...Well, it is.
  4. catching kira:
    Caught you.
  5. chocolate bars:
    .....mmmchocolate. [devour]
  6. detecting:
    And doing those other things that detectives do.
  7. having sex soon pls:
    ....Yeah, self-evident.
  8. lindt:
  9. not being female:
    Because I'm male, goddammit.
  10. overuse of striketags:

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
9:46 pm
Oh, what the hell. Let's do this again.

CFUD-based drabble meme. Will accept any drabble request, as long as it's CFUD related, but if it's new characters (within the last two weeks) I can't do it, 'cause... I just got back and haven't seen much of you guys yet! XD

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
10:09 am
Monday, August 29th, 2005
3:19 am
Well, er. I'm scared, but hey, the only thing I can lose is some pride and if I'm doing badly, learn to improve. XD Ganked from ishidork and heine_sight.

Anon meme.
I've been playing Mello for, um, about two and a half months now. How am I doing? Say whatever you like, stay anonymous.

Current Mood: nervous
Sunday, August 28th, 2005
9:34 pm
Let's see. I am such a whore for exposition what....

Mello's views on the hazards of camp!


Originally alarming, now sort of a nice way to pass the time by killing horribly. Mello's a reasonably elite marksman (no manga proof other than the guns everpresent in the colour pics which are identical each time, and hints that he can probably fight dual-pistol style, but that's the sort of skill I can considerably see Ls-to-be having to learn, and Mello was second only to Near in his classes, so *g*) and doesn't have much trouble picking the zombies off. Stabbing them in the gut helps him vent his rage and reduce menstrual cramps, he was horrified to have to learn.

Eh, Mello's player is really ... squicked by rape in general. Most of the time in CFUD it's dwelled upon briefly enough that it doesn't bother me, or taking it in a darkly funny light, but that doesn't mean I want it to happen to my character, so Mello's avoided the gorillas and will continue to avoid the gorillas.

Tentacle Monster
Likewise, but Mello's more likely to crack dry commentary about it because, DUH, you can avoid it if you AVOID THE LAKE. Never mind that Mello once went into the lake. He had a lightsaber. It worked out.

Mello intends never to go near the lake again, but on the other hand, they didn't hurt HIM. Mello doesn't like the creepy-ass mermaids but counts them a minor threat only.

Psychic Toucans
For some reason, the toucans like Mello enough to try to threaten or blackmail him into joining the Toucan Mafia as an advisor to the big boss toucan. They've stolen his crucifex, roughed Near up, and sent numerous letters. Mello publically professes disgust with the thought of ever joining them, but whenever things go wrong with the alphabet, he's deeply deeply tempted.

Whatever, shoot them.

Flying Monkeys
So far, Mello hasn't encountered any flying monkeys. But if he finds out that Ban has, he'd laugh really hard.

Living Cabins
Although they got off to a rocky start, Mello has a good relationship with Boys Cabin 1, which is one of the reasons he doesn't want to move out. He originally started trying to win it over (as it was attacking him, etc) by sweeping it, cleaning the walls, etc -- in other words, giving it a nice backrub, heh. It's sort of become a habit now and the cabin treats him pretty well; he suspects, but isn't sure, of whether or not that's why the cabin obliged them with helping separate out the HeadQuarters section.

Seikou the possessed suitcase
Upon arriving in camp, Mello's luggage went missing. A post by Kyou the next day revealed luggage matching the description that was stalking him, so Near and Mello went out to catch it. After it attempted to prove its dominance in the way of the wild, Mello kicked the everliving lining out of it, and Near took it in, naming it "Seikou", or "success". Because at that point Near and Mello were still both utter snots to each other, see.
The truth about Seikou is a kinda tricky one that I don't know if it'll ever come out ICly -- but, ah, Cut for those who don't want to read in case it DOES come out later, also whited-out, highlight to readCollapse )

Other monsters
Mello has a bad luck with seeing Silent Hill-style monsters around camp (saw one of those fat cancerous ones from SH3 in his intro post, seen the nurses, seen the dogs), which is partly because I think that few monster designs are quite so.... normal-but-horrifying as Silent Hill monsters, and partly because he's got one of those tormented psyches that would get him into Silent Hill (and probably make him end up meat for the protagonist when he cracks and turns into a monster himself but that's not the point). He made Heather REALLY HAPPY when he said he also saw them as monsters (since in the game itself one of the characters implied they were humans and Heather was seeing them otherwise in order to handle what she was doing to them -- "They look like monsters to you?"). In retrospect, seeing the Silent Hill-style monsters may be less Heather and more Mello, mind. *g* He was really, really freaked out by the dogs with the split faces, though I'm not entirely sure why at this point -- it was partly surprise and partly revulsion, more than at most monsters. I really want to probe and find out more, heh.
Most things, Mello has a shoot-or-run policy. If he can't shoot it successfully, he runs.


So far, Mello's missed this one. He finds it a bit boring -- really, so, they're tiny! And otherwise perfectly healthy! -- but that doesn't mean he wants to GET it.

Mello's got hit with this one twice and doesn't like it. Basically, although he's often teased for his "looking/acting like a woman" (though, uh, I think I play him pretty damn masculine-minded, though stop me if I'm wrong about this. XD; ) ... I'm playing him with a really strong gender-identity as male. He's very, very attached to his gender for more than just physical reasons, and being in a female body makes him extremely -- almost absurdly -- uncomfortable with his personal identity. His emotions and mind, though both strong, have always been unstable; his body/gender/physical identity is one thing he's had confidence in and, well, here in camp, even that will change. The first time (July 26, 2005) he tried to endure it but was clearly under a lot of pressure and, when pushed a little, started shouting at people/throwing a fit, etc. Part of it was PMS and influx of hormones he wasn't used to handling, but a lot of it was just his pure gender identity under seige. When Near went, he wasn't disgusted/horrified, but he was deeply *offended* -- not by Near him/herself, but by ... well, God, life as he knew it, whatever. Because not only was he a girl so was his boyfriend (as Near and Mello had just made up and started to push their relationship in that direction at that point, basically). It felt to him like insult to injury. But he got ... kinda disdained for that, by both L and Near (the two people whose opinions matter to him), who felt he was pitching a fit over nothing.
So the next time he got hit by it (August 25, 2005) he made a huge effort to seem very ho-hum whatever about it. He was still deeply shaken and upset by being changed to female but he's acknowledged it's likely to happen again and hell, there's a lot of worse things that can happen (this being after L's death and all). He even groped Near's breasts and got groped in return a bit, and it (open response) 'was kinda fun'/(internal response) 'wasn't that bad'. He still feels deeply violated by the genderswitch virus but is determined not to ever let that show again. And so far, he's done a pretty good job. If he gets hit by it again, he may even convince himself!

Not Diseases, but still things that spread through camp

The Pimp Incident

He doesn't remember turning into an Enforcer. He DOES remember trying to help Taro and is on some level still moderately annoyed that people assumed he was handcuffing Taro to rape him, especially given camp rules and the fact that he's saved Taro's life before, but he's mostly let that go Other than the deep simmering resentment he never lets go of. He DOES remember coming back to himself with Near on top of him to pin him down -- and that Near came this close to breaking the rules with grinding against him. Mello sort of resents that Near stopped, even though he'd been telling him to, but at the same time, really really understands.

They missed the first batch, but got caught in the second when someone pranked them with shoutaloupe-spiked tea in a bucket over the door. Frankly, Mello doesn't give a fuck. He lived through childhood once already, and it wasn't that bad, and this time, he got hugs and attention and called cute and actually got to play with Ban again, during a time when Ban had mostly been ignoring him otherwise, heh. He DIDN'T like revisiting Near's absolute scorn of him -- and worries a little that Near-of-today still feels all that scorn but isn't saying it aloud -- but at the same time, he knows he got away with more as a kid than he could ever justify as an, er, 'adult'. So.

The Biblical Plagues
Eh, Mello doesn't care all that much. He's a bit nervous about the last one (slated to happen tonight) but also pretty blase -- whatever happens, happens. One might say he's hot but strangely cold about it. He figures he's done all he can and that he and Near and L will probably survive and pick up the pieces one way or the other. The earlier ones were just annoyances, as well.

The Porn 'Virus'
Mello doesn't actually care, as long as it doesn't post any vital files. He finds it amusing. And it might post something that would make him use the 'you'd better be kidding me' face, but he still wouldn't be offended. Witness -- L/Shigure porn. He was startled and a bit WTF about stumbling over it, but not actually offended, and he'd far prefer L/Shigure to L/Raito -- though L and Shigure's developing relationship makes him more curious about the Jyuunishi than he would be otherwise. He's pretty sure the Sohmas are hiding something, he just doesn't know what, and he would be RELIEVED to find out that it's just something stupid like "They turn into animals" rather than "I've secretly killed over a thousand people using a magical murder tool". XD He's worried it's a darker secret, and that he might have to start breaking kneecaps.

Camp Food
Mello's mostly been avoiding eating as much as he can and survive. He eats cereal and jerky, and chocolate -- more now that they've found the well -- but is currently severely deprived of vital nutrients and it doesn't help he's also depriving himself of sleep. That said, he's functioning well enough, and it's not like he's EVER eaten particularly well.

Sleeping Arrangements
They've varied. Start to finish:
- On the floor, which stopped when things started to come through the floor to attack him.
- Sharing a very small duffle with Near. This was during the hate period, and the era of retarded flirting, which made it very uncomfortable. The duffle has since been cleaned and surrendered for Chisame (and Chizuru's) use, though it's still full of Near's stuff.
- Sharing L's bed with L
- Sharing L's bed WITHOUT L what with him dead
- Sharing L's bed without L because L took over the bed Raito had. <--- where they're currently at.

Other aspects of Mello's personality being discovered at camp, but not really related to the camp.

Mello's sexuality

Mello claims he's probably bisexual, given his age and how recently he's developed hormonal feelings at all, but just hadn't encountered women he can be attracted to yet. He says he's claiming this because it could save him on horrifying paradigm shifts later in life. Most people assume he's gay as christmas, and he tends to agree, or at least, not argue, and has called himself gay before. That said, he probably IS mildly bisexual, but just hasn't discovered those sides of himself yet -- and then mildly. It'd probably be a case where he can certainly sleep with women, but won't enjoy it as much/will be a lot more detatched from the proceedings than sex with men, but he'd still be able to perform.

That said, for very obvious reasons, he's not had sex yet. He desperately, desperately wants to, but not enough to challenge camp rules. So far, he's reserved himself to fast and quiet masturbation when nobody else is around or when he's in the camp showers. Which means he doesn't get off even a tenth as much as his body's demanding, either. *g*

So what's this about cats? KITTENS, Haru? You think Mello likes KITTENS?

Heh. XD This is one of those things that came up as a joke -- I don't remember the exact circumstances, but Chisame and Mello were talking and were basically being utter heartless hard-asses at each other about things, and then started talking about how, well, kittens were cute, though. EVERYONE likes KITTENS! And awwwwwww their little whiskers, awww, lookit their tiny ears, awwwwwwww! Because, hell, it was funny at the time.
And then, a month, month and a half later, Mello was mourning L and Chisame was worried about him and he tried to make her laugh/stop worrying by linking kittenbreak at her.
And then I stumbled across a lovely japanese fanart of a young Mello, sitting on a stone wall with a cat, and both of them yowling away happily.
And then Ying got a kitten and offered to bring it over and I caved and decided that Mello is a creepy psychopath, yes, but he loooooooves kittens. Because, well, KITTENS! Everyone loves kittens! And their tiny toes! Awwwwww!
And then Near got Mello a kitten for them, despite the fact that Near himself clearly doesn't like kittens. And Mello melted. Because it played into about ten of his postive hotbuttons at once (including the big red one labelled "MAKE NEAR PAY ATTENTION TO ME") and also, kitten. Its name is Habeas Corpeus, it's orange with a brown stripe on its forehead, and it's a lazy kitty.

Near doing things just for Mello

Near's ... done a few of these that Mello just can't figure out an ulterior motive for -- Getting Mello's cross back from the toucans, getting the chocolate from the well for Mello, getting Mello the kitten. And he's sort of strangely torn about this -- on the one hand, he desperately craves the attention and is always left deliriously happy when Near shows that he's paying attention to Mello because of *Mello*, not for any other reason. But at the same time, it makes him a little nervous, because ... well, he's waiting for the other shoe to drop, or for the ulterior motive to become apparant, and they're just not particularly people raised to not be suspicious of uncharacteristic activities. So, well, he's suspicious, he can't help it.
He's also really really happy, and being that happy scares him a little too.
But slowly, he's coming to terms with the fact that maaaaaaaaybe that's okay.

Pairings cropping up in camp and Mello's feelings on them

- Chisame/Chizuru = He likes this. He'd like it more if Chizuru didn't cat around, but if Chisame's okay with it, so's he.

- L/Raito = He HATES this. He won't say as much, but he HATES it. Raito's given him an almost dopey impression and although he's *aware* of Raito's abilities, he hasn't seen any of what had drawn L to Raito in the first place. While he will admit that he'd be a hypocrite for being critical of anyone's attraction to brilliant criminal behaviour, he also finds it horribly biasing and inappropriate that L would be so attached to Raito -- he arrived right before L's big moping period when Raito ran off, and, well, it left an impression on him partly of fear that L could feel that strongly over Raito/Kira, and disgust that Raito could 'harm' L so much just by his presence. That said, he is also bizarrely offended that Raito's not paying attention to L -- mostly because Mello knows all the previous casework, if not intimately, and knows that Raito has been very intent to thwart L back in their world; the recent apathy/distaste makes him uneasy.

- L/Shigure = He doesn't think it'll last, but as long as Shigure's secret isn't a horrible one, he doesn't mind approving it. It's not a bad rebound relationship, it's an okay way to celebrate being alive, and Shigure seems like the type of guy who'd want to stay friends even after a breakup. All in all, Mello thinks Shigure's not a bad choice, even though he doesn't know him personally (and although he doesn't actually CARE to -- Shigure doesn't 'register' to him -- he's making an effort to anyway, because Shigure's become important to L). Basically, it's not something he's supporting wholeheartedly, but he thinks L could have -- and has done -- worse.

- Raito/Ying = Mello HATES this with a PASSION. He's lost a lot of respect for Ying over this -- not because it's 'betraying' her husband who'd 'want her to be happy' --- he doesn't know the culture of her time period well and hey, if she believe sit, maybe it's true -- but because he thinks Ying has to suspect there's something up with Raito and is completely ignoring it. And because Ying resumed the relationship with Raito even when she KNEW things (had the Death Note) and -- well, mello takes it a tiny bit personally because he was the one who talked to her about it and she agreed to keep a distance but not an unhealthy distance from Raito, and then he was tied up because Raito's girlfriend -- who Ying provoked into stealing a Death Note to kill her -- had his name (or so he thought). From catching up on things after the fact, Mello knows Ying KNOWS Mello was tied up to prevent himself from spilling vital secrets, and she still behaved the way she did to Misa. His initial statement was that she was brave, insane, or stupid (I believe) and he's sticking to both bravery and stupidity at this point. Given Raito's history with manipulating girls (which L only had theories on, but which were part of the data handed down) Mello also doesn't trust the apparent genuine nature of Raito's feelings for Ying. He also thinks Misa won't tolerate being a third wheel for long, expecially because Ying really isn't the type to hide her feelings and Ying and Raito keep interacting as lovers in open forums. XD He thinks -- a bit resignedly -- that the problem might well resolve itself for good soon; he doesn't think Misa will stay quiet, and he thinks that whatever she does the next time will be a lot more subtle than her attempt to steal the Death Note from Ying. He'd never admit it to anyone, but he almost wishes her luck in breaking Ying and Raito up -- mostly because all the data they have on the two Kiras will be difficult to work with if she can't or doesn't, but also because of his distaste for Ying and Raito's relationship. (The player does of course disagree with Mello's feeling here, but. XD) Mello will remain polite to Ying, but that in itself is a sign; Mello uses politeness to gain distance from people.

- L/Near, L/Mello, L/Mello/Near = Mello is deeply attracted to L, and is deeply aroused by Near's attraction to L (in both cases, the L he remembers and the L he's beginning to see signs of again, not the L who disappointed him). It's not a healthy attraction entirely -- a lot of it's an identity issue (Of wanting "L", not wanting L), but a lot of it's pure sexual desire and a deep adoration of L's mental powers. At the same time, he doesn't think any sexual relationship they start will actually last -- their relationship as one that works (both boys to L, that is) requires too much distance-flavoured-with-personal-attachment rather than actual personal attachment for a long-lasting relationship, Mello thinks. But he thinks it'll be enjoyable in the meantime, and he thinks that it's not LIKELY to break off suddenly -- basically, he thinks it's more likely to be a messy breakup if it's the less-emotionally-sound L he's seen here and there, and more likely to be a gentle growing-apart-and-strengthening experience if it's the L he knows and adores.
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
5:33 pm
Sunday, August 21st, 2005
3:38 pm
Mello's CFUD relationships whut
Mello's personal feelings on campers as of August 21, whut.

La la la genocide...Collapse )
Friday, August 19th, 2005
10:38 pm
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